DEA warns Utah lawmakers that legal pot could lead to stoned rabbit attacks

Jamie VosPopular0 Comments

Utah lawmakers are now considering legalizing medical marijuana in their state, which has the DEA very concerned about the impending threat of stoned bunny rabbits.

Sen. Mark Madsen recently introduced a bill that would allow patients to legally possess and use medical marijuana. While Madsen is looking out for his constituents, special agent Matt Fairbanks is convinced that legalization would only turn the state’s cutest mammals against them.

In a testimony presented to the Utah Senate Panel, Fairbanks shared his harrowing experiences with hares as part of the state’s “cannabis eradication” team.

“I deal in facts. I deal in science,” said Fairbanks, prefacing his argument for the preservation of drug-free wildlife.

Fairbanks said that at some illegal marijuana grow sites he saw “rabbits that had cultivated a taste for the marijuana.”

“One of them refused to leave us, and we took all the marijuana around him, but his natural instincts to run were somehow gone,” said Fairbanks.

Despite Fairbanks’ concern over fearless, stoned rabbits uniting to take over the Great Salt Lake, the Senate committee approved the measure by a 3-2 vote.

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